Self-sabotage: How to stop it & soar to success by Martha Baldwin - Summary

This was one of the more difficult books for me to read. I postponed it several times until I finally finished it. Looking at myself, I can see lots of parallels to my own upbringing.

My guess is, if you clicked on the title of this post, you are in the same or similar boat as me. I doubt that the notes below will you give you enough insights into the book or even help you overcome all your problems. So, I highly recommend you read the book for yourself and profit from the numerous examples and cases Mrs. Baldwin used to elaborate on the different personality disorders and become aware of your own situation.


Nurturing you inner child

The saboteur and its undercover mission

The saboteur: a profile

Seeing your saboteur

are detrimental to a child. They cause feelings of guilt and of being unloved. As a result perfectionists or real troublemakers arise.

Repressed anger: the tiger in your saboteur's tank

Frequently what angers you with others reflects something you fear and fail to acknowledge in yourself.

Lessons on anger: your education for personal power

Anger and intimacy

If you ignore anger, bury it, and pretend you have no conflict, you build a wall that begins to separate you from each other [your mate].

Centering yourself

Unconditional love

Fear: the saboteur's delight

Fear teaches you to expect the worst possible outcome in any circumstance, to doubt other people and to doubt yourself.

Harnessing your powerful parts

Missing parts

Centering and physical health

Your physical body reflects the harmony and disharmony that exists within the orchestra of your subpersonalities.

Centered thinking

[...] through your beliefs and your thoughts you create your own reality.

You can heal your mind through meditation and unconditional love.

Food, weight and limits

Emotional hunger becomes a signal to eat.

Time, money and boundaries

A mental attitude of abundance transforms a miserly, self-defeating existence to a rich experience of the flow of giving and receiving the wealth of resources that are available to each of us.

It's all a matter of claiming our enormous creative powers and trusting ourselves to follow the guidance we receive and the opportunities that open for us.

Keeping boundaries and setting limits

Nurturing yourself to success means learning how to keep boundaries and set limits effectively.

Boundary keeping in relationships

Boundary keeping with mates

Limit setting with children

When children break rules they are not "bad". They are exploring and testing to find out how their world works and where their limits are.

Limit setting vs controlling

Control by other people is an illusion born of this pattern of disowning (or projecting) personal responsibility and power.

Limit setting with parents

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you ... You may house their bodies but not their souls ... You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

-- The prophet by Gibran

The loving art

Stopping self-sabotage

Beyond your boundaries

When you master your boundaries, you feel safe with yourself, safe enough to step out into the world and take full responsibility for the strengths and resources you possess.

You are able to fend yourself, provide your own need, and give yourself adequate protection.

You are the author of the reality you create.

Transforming the saboteur

You life is your very own magnificent creation. Be the artist you are!

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