Mid August 2021 retrospective

The last one and a half months I mostly "relaxed". I've been working more than 3 years almost none stop. I couldn't get anything done anymore. I am defining working none stop as: Getting up every day, sitting in front of the computer, either learning, researching, programming, writing text, or just thinking intensively. So my brain was 7 days a week active with no downtime as I didn't consider taking of as substantial.

Not only did I mistreat myself mentally, I neglected my body too. I once had about 63 KG. Now I'm at 76 KG. So I gained about 20% of my previous weight. Probably as a result, I am always feeling tired. Additionally, after eating I'd always crash mentally. Eating a steak with some rice at noon would result in brainfog and tiredness that would require either drinking coffee or sleeping. In the last few months, I opted for not eating at all or postponing food until dinner.

Around June then, it was almost impossible for me to get anything done. My tank was empty. The engine didn't want to ignite anymore. Ultimately because of a lack of fuel and a lot of wear.

Around the first half of July I realized that my eating habits were contra-productive. They did the job of providing empty calories but at the cost of a deteriorating health. Have you ever heard the doctors say: Eat a healthy and balanced diet! Well, they are right. But I realized that not everything that is labeled as healthy even though it may be labeled as such.

In Compensation, Ralph Waldo Emerson touches on one of the follies of humand kind. We always strive to extract and separate the good from the whole without realizing that the good on its own mostly loses its benefits. I may add that it becomes toxic.

Men seek to be great; they would have offices, wealth, power, and fame. They think that to be great is to possess one side of nature,--the sweet, without the other side,--the bitter. This dividing and detaching is steadily counteracted. Up to this day, it must be owned, no projector has had the smallest success. The parted water reunites behind our hand. Pleasure is taken out of pleasant things, profit out of profitable things, power out of strong things, as soon as we seek to separate them from the whole. We can no more halve things and get the sensual good, by itself, than we can get an inside that shall have no outside, or a light without a shadow. "Drive out nature with a fork, she comes running back."

In the same vain, extracting the good from food like white flour from wheat leaves you with something usually considered unhealthy. After consuming too much of it, you may see yourself sitting at a doctor who prescibes you a bottle of vitamins to reunite the good with its remaining parts but its not the same. It becomes Frankenstein's monster.

What does that mean for me? Well, I am now making the deliberate effort to only eat food that is as close as possible to nature. I may divide or grind it but I won't buy the egg yolk without the egg white anymore.

Apart from lots of other experiments that I've tried over the past weeks which I think would be too boring for anybody reading this blog, I've finally managed to get some work done. I didn't do what I intended to do. It seemed like that it would dull the initiative too early. Yesterday I got the idea of live streaming myself onto this website. Setting it all up was actually quite easy. It took me about half a day with lots of small corrections today. Maybe I'll write about it in the future. Anyhow, I'm amazed at how easy it is to get things going.

As a result, I realized Twitch's moat compared to all the other streaming services, for one it's their huge marketing efforts and on the other hand their network infrastructure. I roughly estimated that my server could handle about 300 concurrent live viewers but if you look on Twitch, there are lots of streamers which have way more viewers.

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